The Amazing World of Gumball Neko Atsume Mashup

This is a mashup my 9 year old daughter created on her own. I am so impressed with the skills that kids are acquiring at such early ages these days. 

Today's Prominent Thought of the Day

Today, something is stirring inside of me. It feels like someone is trapped inside and is trying to claw her way out. In Women Who Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, she writes about a Wild Woman who lives inside of us. She is like our spirit-self, our creative, adventurous self, our female essence and when we are too long living in an environment that disallows us to be ourselves entirely, she dies a little inside of us. But she is nevertheless waiting, in hyper-sleep, for us to call her out in to the world again.

I feel like if there is a Wild Woman inside of me, she is fighting to get out right now. Lately, I’ve been living a sort of sleepy-life. I wake up, get the kids ready for school, come home, do some quick chores and then try to fill my time with reading, playing games, writing or other not-too-particularly-productive activities. When the kids get home, there is a constant clatter, constant chit-chatter, constant clamor but there is still something amiss.  Sometimes, the constant-ness hides away the missing-ness but most of the time, it just makes it's lack of presence even louder. I've tried to fill it with crafty things that I am good at. I paint, I make dolls, I make jewelry, I sew, I do all kinds of nifty things and yet, I still feel something missing.

Some people would say that when you feel this missing-ness, it's because your spirituality is lacking. I see this. I understand this. But I am very devout to my faith. I have a love for Christ that goes beyond conception. That's not it. 

Perhaps, I need to just write more. I don't really have many friends to talk to. To be perfectly honest, I'm a pretty good shut-in. I don't particularly like socializing or partying. I could go months without getting together with other people and not feel any less from it. But I do need that human touch and children don't count. Yes, I have my husband and I love him, but he doesn't exactly fulfill that human-touch thing for me. We're so different, we have different interests and most of the time, there's an electronic device in front of his face. In time, I 've learned to compensate with my own devices or books. I don't particularly care for it but it is what is now. 

I see it now. I am depressed. I stopped my anti-depressants but I've stuck with my anti-psychotics for my mania. Maybe I should go back on the other pills too. But I don't want to be completely numb to my emotions. I just want more. I want to feel alive. I want to not be stressed and mad every day. I want to not yell at my kids. I want to not roll my eyes at my husband and pray that he'll change and not be such a grumpy-pants. How do I find this? I can't work. I have no money for activities or hobbies. What do I do? What do I do?